For Matthew

I was out to dinner at an Indian restaurant last August with a large group of people I didn't know well when a man a few seats away suggested that each of us share the best dinner experience we'd ever had, one that both food-wise and company-wise was more fulfilling than any other. It didn't take long for me to point to my brother's college graduation dinner when it was my turn to share. A May 2010 evening meal at a Peruvian restaurant in Portland, Oregon, three years later I remembered the food -- beef and roasted peppers and asparagus, among other items -- as some of the tastiest I had ever had, but there was something else about the evening. Laughter and conversation was all I could remember.

There's a picture on my wall of my brother and I on his graduation day. It caught my eye earlier today and I was reminded of the Peruvian meal and began to wonder what dinner experience might someday take its place.

May 2010

I don't often admit that I still listen to the occasional Dave Matthews album, but like most of my older music, it was introduced to me by my Matt, my brother. "Sister," a Dave Matthews song I've long loved has been stuck in my head recently. The lyrics "counting stars against the black, thinking about another day, wishing I was far away, wherever I dreamed I was, you were there with me," evoke my own memories of growing up with my brother.

When I think of my interests in writing and creativity today, I'm transported back to our shared childhoods, writing stories together, him composing music and I pairing rhyming words to sing, I'm reminded of his deep brown eyes and long eyelashes, similar to my own. I think of the constant laughter, how few people can make me laugh as much. I think occasionally too, of his large collection of books, his intellectual curiosity and love for the natural world.

 As I near my own graduation, I think of exactly what his graduation did for me: I witnessed the possibility, time, place and opportunity that laid before him. With our nearly-exact four years' age difference, it's felt so fitting through high school and college to see him just ahead, conquering the next milestone. Reaching my own college completion though, I happily can't imagine what the next four years might hold. But I see the same opportunity for myself that I once saw for him.

December 2012